Composed

prompt list 8/100

Composed |kəmˈpəʊzd| having one’s feelings and expression under control. 

How often are we in situations where our emotions and capabilities are tested.  Every time, everywhere we are tested, at work, school, when we are driving, walking, eating, talking.  Sometimes we let our expressions and feelings go out of control; seldom we remain composed.

I like to think myself as someone very well controlled and collected; I know how to put a facade in public and when required. However, sometimes I wish I didn’t, there are those situations where showing my anger and difference could’ve completely changed the course of the conversation or situation. Throughout my lifetime I have been enclosed, and quite, I sometimes think that affected the way I am today despite the fact that I want to take more action and advocate what I believe, the old habits still tries to embrace me. Whispering “don’t do anything,” “stay quite,” ” don’t look.”

I recently experience this when I was on the bus, there was this old lady (intoxicated) cursing and raging about the track works, and as usual, people looked at her with contempt and disgust.  Boarding the bus people chose to sit away from her, murmuring disgust about the lady as they walk away. Those eyes, so judgmental and belittling; I felt disgusted and sad. Then a young bloke comes and decided to sit next to her and mock her, tries to record her and talk back to the lady. And obviously the lady became enraged and within minutes was thrown out of the bus by the police ( she didn’t resist at all but obeyed the authority).

So where was I in that situation? I sat across her because I know she is just a normal person and she probably went through a lot of shit before she became like that (I hope). I watched as the situation unfold and play. Which made me feel miserable. The moment she got off the bus I had a moment of reflection which then followed by regret.  I run scenarios where I simply intervened and talked to her, about her day, about the husband that was waiting for her (she mentioned about that), I wish I bothered to start a conversation. It was only a short 15 minutes bus ride, I knew I could’ve easily maintained that conversation. Which could’ve resulted in a happy ending, where she is happy and the passengers are undisturbed. But I was afraid, what if the people look at me weirdly, what if she didn’t respond to my kindness and chose to humiliate me. Useless self-doubting thoughts. Oh, how I wish I pushed them away.

I have no idea what I am trying to say anymore, haha I just wanted to share this story and thought before it fades away. It thought me an important lesson to take more action and have a light heart.

I hope you are all having a great day. Sorry about this post, I am sure it is full of grammar mistake and incoherent. Haha!

-Briane R

Categories: Thought, UncategorizedTags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Briane

As I fill the pages in my book, I wish to aspire or encourage you to do the same thing, because life is full of dreams and opportunities. Like Sholom and Bernard said;
Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich and a tragedy for the poor. - Sholom Aleichem
Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. -George Bernard Shaw

Cheers!
Briane Rivera

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